Desperate to travel?

I have spent the better part of the last eight years on the road, I have learned to life out of suitcases and microwave meals, up until now the only other stint of down time was four years ago and that lasted six months. Back then I was desperate to hit the road, didn't matter where as long as there was a job. It was where I wanted to be, the adventure, the anticipation of not knowing what it might bring. Whether it might a be blown engine and being stuck along side of the road or plowing thru snow that seems endless holding my breath with every mile and every turn threatening to bring me and all my world to a cold and white nightmare, only to survive with spent nerves. It seemed like every month with the prospect of travel the child in me could hardly wait for what the road might hold. With each passing day I am actually thankful the phone call hasn't come to send us back out into the world. Don't get me wrong living on unemployment is no picnic, nor is not having insurance but that is a small price to pay for my happiness. I miss having my family around even if they drive me nuts more than I care to admit to myself, I missed walking out my door and hearing the whinny of a very eager horse, glad to see me not just because she wants fed but because she is happy to see me. I miss the beauty that surrounds me. When that call comes I have to ask myself can I let all that go again. For now I am glad I don't have to answer that question.

Frustrations in blogger land

So today I wanted to enter the world of my blog, it has been a year since I have touched or viewed it, needlessly to say with the new format and being out of touch my patience and nerves had reached breaking points when I finally gave it one more shot. And low and behold as one would say it worked with the last thing I tried. But of course it would always work with the last thing one tries. I realize of course its redundant to repeat oneself but I never thought that something as simple as signing into an account would be so stressful, if you must ask yes I even have all the information written down, but I neglected to double check that I was inputting the correct information. Hindsight I probably should have checked, so now that I have maybe it will inspire me to check-in more often then a few times a year. It is a New Year and many things to come, well hopefully anyway.

Back to Normal

Here it is a new year and I have already had an epiphany. I have for at least the last few years traveled to many places but somehow always ending back here in Nevada, a state that I DO NOT like, I hate the desert, no trees, no water besides the few odd streams that here they call rivers and everywhere one looks sage brush. Some how even with me kicking and screaming Nevada has gotten under my skin, she feels like home. I would welcome any place other than here to call home but no it had to be Nevada.
We are barely into winter most days temperatures reaching the mid 20's, no snow and living in a tin can that hates cold itself. The constant ice removal from the door just to get to the outside world, not that I want to venture out, I wouldn't if I didn't have my "kids". I very much hate my tin can and yet never leave it.
Why must a place I hate be a place that feels right?
Maybe one day I can call a beautiful green meadow with a lake and trees home, but for now it mountain desert.

Sad Birthday

Here it is the eve of my 33rd birthday and I have made a heart breaking decision about my much loved boy, I had so wished it would not have been so soon nor on a day that is meant to celebrate life. I know it will be a day both happy and sad. As I sit here and stare into his watchful eyes I know it will be the last few hours, I can barely breath. Why must this be so hard?
I know we as pet owners tend to humanize the fur balls, as a woman who cannot have the two legged version I put everything I have into them. It feels as if I am giving up, but is it really fair to watch him slowly melt into a hallow shell of his former self. How can I for my own selfishness allow him to slowly die because I cannot bring myself to do the kind thing. I see him on his bad days pleading me to make it better and I know there is nothing that can be done but hold him and make him as comfortable as I can.
As much as I should take comfort in the knowledge that his pain will soon be over, I cannot. I hope that one day I can forgive myself.

The "hard" facts of life

Nearly two months after my trouble maker "son" got into and subsequently ate an unknown amount of a brand new bottle of Gorilla Glue I am faced with the tough decision. I kick myself for not taking more care into where I place things. I have to admit that I haven't been proactive in a treatment plan, I just now have been curious as to what treatment if any are available for such ingestion. Treatment is only one; surgery.
I suppose I need to explain that while most pet owners would have immediately taken their sickly fur covered family member to the doctor. I dismissed the notion; as nearly on a daily basis the fur ball gets into anything and everything no matter what preventative measures I take to ensure it is safe from his reach, so to speak. He has eaten so many things I just couldn't imagine that his glue incident would be any different. It would appear that while 99% of the time my reaction to him eating yet another thing he shouldn't would have been accurate, but as he continues to slowly lose weight, vomiting varies from none to all day long, his ever changing appetite I see now that I should have been more concerned and taken him to the doctor. However knowing now that the only option is an extremely costly surgery, which I can't possibly afford I am left with two very painful options watch my boy slowly die or be merciful and put him down so he is no longer suffering. Two choices with the same outcome.
A tough lesson to learn and the loss of a beloved pet; it is hard to put into words the regret, the frustration and the sheer helplessness I am feeling.

Puppy Living

It has been a week of new life for three very precocious squirmy bundles. Not quite ready to see or hear the world they are still eager to explore every inch they can, with constant vigilance from Bear they are growing fast in size, independence and curiosity.
I had no intentions of raising pups in our little trailer, but life rarely has what you want in its list of considerations when it decides to guide you down the path to the future. So here we are bumbling down the road together, I do hope I will be prepared for whatever happens next, but if not I have learned to go with it. Much of living on the road has proven that you just have to go with it.
As excited as I am to be going through this I am grateful that week one is far behind us. Mommy during that first week was no fun, I know I didn't sleep for the first Seventy-two hours; if I did manage any sleep it was done by power napping. As I mentioned before this was a complete surprise so there was no way to be prepared for anything, that included that Bear was going to have the runs. BAD! I am still cleaning up places I missed the day we left them home alone. But to be fair I knew that I probably would have to do some cleaning up, I wasn't prepared for just how much. I now have in my staple for doggie care a hefty supply of wipes, yes they are getting used, I think I've already gone through one hundred or so out of a 300 pack.
I have managed well thus far no grey hair or hair loss, so there is a plus; but I still have at least seven weeks of anything goes.

Easter Suprise

I have always said that when the time comes that I would be breeding my dear sweet intelligent Boo Bear. I also had plans on picking the "baby daddy" to suit the needs that I was looking for. She has so much talent for herding; which she is meant to do. I have a feeling if I find the right one that her offspring will also be very talented. Last November when she came into heat much to my disappointment I was unable to procure a breeding, I was not in a position to take on such a financial setback with no sure thing, as it being her first breeding I was unsure if she even could, so I decided to hold off a little longer.
Jump ahead a few months, oh say five or so, I started noticing some subtle differences in my girl. She seemed less playful, more grouchy, possessive, and a vacuum. Not things that are normal for her. She also started getting fat, but to be honest living in the trailer in bad weather does lead to a lack of exercise. So I kinda didn't connect the dots. Maybe I should have.
Saturday night we decided to go out for dinner and some fun, before leaving I had made sure that the dogs went out and did their thing, when she came back in I observed her panting, not too normal, I have on occasion gotten the trailer too warm, and as it was on the warmer side in the trailer I again didn't make the connection, so off to dinner we went.
Upon returning to the trailer in the wee hours of Easter morn, the not so boisterous greeting gave me pause of concern, Lestat greeted us as always, but there was no Boo Bear calling again she reluctantly popped her head around the corner, she came out promptly went back to her hiding place, at about that time the unmistakable noise that only newborns make suddenly filled the trailer; OMG suddenly overwhelmed my thoughts, then I was excited to see that my girl was able to let "mommy" instincts take charge. I lost a blanket in the process, but totally worth it. As I pulled back the folds there they were three little ones. She had taken the the blanket off the bed and made sure it was covering the heater vent, to ensure they would stay warm.
While I moved her and the little ones to a better place, my mind raced and quickly connected the dots, yes everything that had changed in her behavior now made since. There on the bed were three boys nosily sucking away, while I sat there observing the motley crew, knowing that my Boo Bear and Lestat had made this bundle of misfits she decided to give me one more this time a little girl. They are all so cute, but unfortunately she didn't give me a perfect litter; two of the pups had deformities, both bizarrely identical. Both had a right front leg that was not right, one of the boys had just a stub and the girl has a skin attachment that prevents her little leg from moving, so the the vet we must go.
It all can't be perfect all the time but despite it all I wouldn't change a thing, a lesson is a fact of life and it always teaches you when you least expect it. I'm unsure of what my lesson is, but I am glad to have healthy happy mommy and babies. Definitely not something soon forgotten.