Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Brain Overload Fixed

A few day ago I had a major brain overload and I sat down and wrote it all so I could share my thoughts and frustrations, however due to computer problems I lost it all even though I worked on it and finished it, all my ramblings, finally became a cohesive thought, quite suddenly all of it made perfect since. I do believe I finally managed to understand myself better and see different points of view in my own work, so maybe it was a good thing that I lost all that i wrote so I could start fresh without the reminder.

So, now that I have had this euphony, I see more than ever that while family is important and we should NEVER allow the little things to pile up and destroy everything, there are in rare cases when you MUST not allow some behaviors to manifest into something unmanageable, its too bad that it has to come down when you have to say enough is enough and remove those from your life. It is never easy to make those choices, but I suppose if their behavior is out of control then you need to do whats best for you.

While I don't support isolating yourself and removing yourself from whatever salvageable relationship there is, I now understand that in some cases it is vital to your well being to sever all ties to those who are only there to destroy you if only for their own amusement. I definitely think that the decisions that you make affect everyone. Being one recipient if a crazy persons rants because they want to believe that they are not the cause for another's decision, is a strange thing to cope with. It messes with the psychic, it creates a dumbfounded numbness, almost like its not real and yet its devastatingly real. It begs the question, how did it get to this point, was there in the course of all of this that someone could have stopped this? An answer to this I may never have, but at least it can be cleared from my conscience. I can clearly say that whatever this turns into it was not and is not my fault.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Summer Headache

So here I sit in the trailer park, despite it being a sunny day it is hot. I can for the most part handle the heat but today it had to add a strong level of mugginess. It is one of those days that you would be desperately searching for the nearest body of water and not want to get out. I know that in the park there is a pool however it always is full, there is a lake within 5 minutes of here I just haven't gotten to it yet. As I sit here I wish I were there, but I just can't seem to bring myself to climb into "Betsy" to drive the short distance to the lake. And how I am sure that Boo Bear would love the refreshing coolness of the water. I know that the refreshing water would be wonderful. I love water if I could I would never leave I always say and yet here I am so close and yet just won't go. What's wrong with this picture? Why do I not want to go? Is it that even though I would have Boo Bear and Lestat with me I would be alone, or perhaps is it that I fear there is going to be a crowd and I am an out of town er and I just don't feel comfortable?
What ever the reason I haven't got the nerve to leave my little space of comfort.
maybe instead I will wait until it a little cooler and take my bike for a spin around the block and take Bear with me, she has quickly taken to the bike and run along side, no barking either which I an grateful for. I thought for sure that barking would have been something that I would have to deal with, especially since it was an issue at home when I was attempting to get her accustomed to the bike. She is such a smart girl, she not only knows how herd, something I haven't taught her, but she is an awesome swimmer and now she is a good bike companion. I don't know why this should be at all surprising to me after all if there is a treadmill she is on it, I suppose sitting on grandma's stationary bike that just so happens to be sitting next to the treadmill had a little influence on how she would react once put to the real thing.
So we will have our first days off in a few days and maybe I can get Monte to go to the lake with me and the "kids". We shall see, although I should probably drive there just to make sure I know where to go and where it is legal to have you dogs.