Here it is the eve of my 33rd birthday and I have made a heart breaking decision about my much loved boy, I had so wished it would not have been so soon nor on a day that is meant to celebrate life. I know it will be a day both happy and sad. As I sit here and stare into his watchful eyes I know it will be the last few hours, I can barely breath. Why must this be so hard?
I know we as pet owners tend to humanize the fur balls, as a woman who cannot have the two legged version I put everything I have into them. It feels as if I am giving up, but is it really fair to watch him slowly melt into a hallow shell of his former self. How can I for my own selfishness allow him to slowly die because I cannot bring myself to do the kind thing. I see him on his bad days pleading me to make it better and I know there is nothing that can be done but hold him and make him as comfortable as I can.
As much as I should take comfort in the knowledge that his pain will soon be over, I cannot. I hope that one day I can forgive myself.